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As I woke up this morning a thought crossed my mind.


“Oh menstrual cycle, is it really worth having you if I don’t think I’ll have my own children due to my belief that Jesus is coming soon?”


I mean really, is it wise to pursue the “typical American dream” of finding “Mr. Right,” settling down with him in some suburban area in a house with a big yard, white picket fence, with a golden retriever and have children with the reality of Jesus Second Advent coming so soon?

Yes, we may not know the day or the hour, but we are told to be prepared. Delineation, “be prepared” and “get prepared” are two completely different things. The former is an on-going, present-tense action while the latter is more of a command for a one-time-only, past-tense action. In my own personal circumstances, this “typical” pictured “dream” is very unwise. I believe that Jesus is coming soon. Jesus calls each one of us to serve Him by being His hands and feet to the world around us, going out baptizing everyone in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all He has taught us and commanded, as He states in the end of Matthew, also known as The Great Commission.

If I believe these to be literal commands, which I do, where then does having a cute little suburban family come into play? If my generation is the one to bring the Kingdom to Earth, by spreading the gospel to every person on this globe, where exactly in that timeframe am I supposed to quit what I am doing to move back to an English speaking country and settle down? (Now I do understand that everyone has their personal place in ministry and their own calling, I am saying that mine is not the same as the aforementioned “dream” presented above.) I won’t! There is no time in my life to dedicate to silly, nonsensical fallacies that prevent me from devoting my life to further my Savior’s Kingdom and advance the knowledge of His love for each individual on the planet! The purpose and “dream” that I feel God has placed on and burdened my heart with, is to be a foreign missionary. I want to work with people and the environment in such a way that God’s name is glorified by His Light shining through my actions to everyone and everything around me. I want to see Him coming down from the clouds. I long to hear those trumpets calling down. I long to see Jesus in the flesh! I want to be there, standing among the living remnant who see His glorious return!

This is my desire. With that knowledge in hand, where does the “American dream” fit in? I challenge you to ask the same for yourself. We are called to be in this world, not of it. If the “American dream” of personal stature, wealth and stability is of this world, what should we really pursue? Jesus says that we have eternal life right now, if we know Him. So what are doing with that? Throwing it out the window on selfish ideas of self-prosper? Or are we going to stand up and say “this sinful way of thinking: putting myself before caring for others, is wrong” and do something to change the world around us by the Love, Grace and Mercy that only comes from God? It only works if we have accepted and experienced that Love, Grace and Mercy.

So do I really need to even have a menstrual cycle with this belief of mine? I don’t think so. If it were not for a factor of health insurance, I would opt out and join the hundreds, thousands or millions of women who cannot bear their own children. Because I believe, that if one day God decides that I am ready to have someone else in my life that will spur me on in my relationship with God and will minister with me and vice versa, that miracles are possible and do happen. An operation performed by human beings could not and can not stop the God who created the entire universe from placing a child in my womb and growing it to be a healthy human being. Should that be according to His Will, when it happens I will be overjoyed and humbled at the reminder of how great and mighty my God is.

My Lord, Savior and Comforter are worth the dedication of my life’s purpose and mission to. At this point in time, as well as the near future, I don’t see how I am going to need to have children of my own to further that action. In fact I believe that it would only hinder all attempts to do so. I pray that my will and entire being may be surrendered to the One who made me, gave me life and prevented the Enemy from taking my life so many countless times.

May God’s peace be with you, His love fill you, and blessings pour out upon you as rain from a typhoon,

Pie

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  • Question: Is it possible to be both excited and sad at the same time? 'Cause I am... - lincoln-logs
  • Answer:

    Sorry it took so long to respond, it doesn’t like telling me when I have these -.-
    But I’m praying for you and God is paving the way. Don’t worry about being bittersweet about going and being there. Just lean on the Father, whom gives us all strength and cling to the promises that He has said and granted us through Jesus. He won’t leave you stranded, He’s always there and will never let go of you. Even if it feels like the opposite, He truly is there and can get you through it.

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Morning devotion on the way to school, read Joshua 3 and remembered some speculations about how God could have worked out the river ceasing to flow in flood season. One was that in the town Adam where the Bible notes it plugged up, which there is evidence proving that fact, they suggested that there could have been an earthquake that caused a rock slide a while before the Levites stepped into the river which was perfectly timed. Beside the point, God is exceedingly powerful and can use whatever means He sees fit to use from His creation.
In 3:17 it says that the priests waited there with the Ark until all the Israelites had crossed…. Do you realize just how long that would have been to wait? I mean at the beginning of the chapter it stated that the set up camp and it took three days. Three days. To set up a camp. That’s a long time! Just how long do you think they stood there, holding a ridiculously heavy Ark? They would not have dared to let it slip or set it down for a rest. I wonder how many angels God sent them to help the priests hold up God’s physical place among His people. Or how strong and devout those priests were by God’s grace.
=} Just a thought, let me know what you think?

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This will be quick because I’m on 8% battery on my phone on my way home from school.
This week has been such a blessing in class, I understand everything we’re doing this week and I can do all of the problems quickly so I finished all of my homework for the week, yesterday. Lol that’s right, I finished it all yesterday!! Praise God for helping me finish everything!! Got out early from class yesterday AND today! Caught the bus that takes me to the church so my walk home won’t be 1-3 miles long today, it will only be a few blocks! Another blessing, I use this time on the bus (45ish minutes) to either study my math notes/make flash cards or study my Bible. So today I sat down and started reading with the Sabbath School Lesson on my phone and Bible in my hand when a guy who I had been talking to at the stop asked if the book I was reading was a Bible. Of course I answered yes, to which he responded with another question, where can I get one? It was so cool!!
I let him know about the ABC (Adventist Book Center) on Riverwalk and Hole(?). He told me that he had lived near our church for a long while and hasn’t really been able to go but he wants to get a new Bible since his is really old, torn up and “trashy.” I am grateful that God really is showing me ways that He’s using my life as a vessel. He can only open your eyes to how He’s using you, if you are willing and ask Him to do so for you. =} Please don’t take that the wrong way, in this context that is how I see it. And I praise God for blessing me with the ability to challenge my faith by taking Him at His Word.

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I’ve been back for almost two weeks now and I don’t feel at home anymore. I was alright at my grandma’s house up north while I was there but I had no purpose, nothing to do. That’s something I can’t stand. When I came back down here I felt better because I have so many people that care and love me and want to see me but it freaks me out, seeing so many people and so much diversity after having seen hardly any over the eight months I was gone. And now that I’m back down here and I have no idea whether or not I’ll be going to school next week, until it starts, then I have no purpose here either. And it hurts so much to think of what good I could be doing right now back in Thailand if I were only there. But no, I’m here. Stuck. Not doing anything of importance. And my life feels so empty and meaningless.

God I need you. Father, it sucks so much to be back and not have anything to do with myself except selfish things that waste time and don’t really help others. I want to do something productive, Lord. I don’t want to continue on with nothing to do. And I know that you’re working throu me somehow but I just can’t feel that right now. It hurts, my heart hurts, Jesus. Please, take it and make it Yours. Take it and change it, make it new and full of Your love. I don’t want to be here anymore. Lord I just want to go home. You know all of the wrong I have done in my life and You have forgiven me whenever I asked and truly repented. Now I’m asking you to please take me home. I want to go home. ……. Lord…. I just want to come home. I am so sorry for all of the wrongs I have committed against You and Your children. My heart weeps along with the tears flowing from my eyes. I am so sorry that I have failed You, over and over again. I hate myself for not doing the right thing every time an opportunity was presented. And I know that You don’t want that, You don’t want me to mull it over and let the wounds rot. You want me to forgive myself, as You have forgiven me. But right now, I just want to come home. Please Lord, please….. please come take me home. I don’t want to be here any longer. The pain is so deep and so great. I was doing alright this morning, but once I was left alone, Lord the thoughts and lack of things to do depress me and make me despise being here again. I want to go. I want to help. I want to be of use. ……. It doesn’t feel like I’m being of use here, not right this moment anyway. Father, I know that You are crying with me right now and that You are only letting me go through these motions so I can become more loving and like You. So I can grow into the beautiful reflection You want me to be. But Lord…. I keep falling. And I keep avoiding You. And I don’t like it. I don’t like it all. It hurts too much and takes up so much room in my soul to be that selfish and lazy, I don’t want to be this way. Not any more. I’ve seen what it does to me and others who do it too. I don’t like the results. I don’t want to become stagnant and become content with that! Father, please! Help me…… Please help me…..

Lord, I don’t want to see my family. I don’t want to see anyone for that matter. I’m dissappointed in myself by letting my mind stray and wander to thoughts of romance and possibilities when I had already made up my mind to ignore that side and focus solely on You. I just want to go back, to teach my children again. To go see Gammy, Kong and Gutjung. To be able to play with them again and hear their attempts to tell me things. I miss snack time and teaching them how to be polite when they want things. I miss teaching them phrases like “yes please” “open this please” and “no thank you.” I miss Gammy going around and telling me to look at her and what she can do. I miss the twins sitting in my lap while we sing songs or read stories. I even miss having to tell Nari to be quiet and pay attention. And I miss Heang’s copycat tendencies to mimic everything Nari does. Lord, I want to go back. I want to be back in the field, working for You. But I know that I needed to come back so I could focus on learning more about You, in a different way. To focus because I didn’t do so while I was gone. I didn’t hold to my end of the bargain, and I know that, and I am so sorry that I didn’t. I just ….. I don’t want to be here, Lord. Lord, I am sorry. I don’t want to be alive anymore, not for myself, not for selfishness or stupid American morals and values. I hate consumerism and the superficiality of it all. Everything is so materialistic in this society, not that it isn’t in Thai, but at least I can live simply there and not have to fret too much. Lord, I know that You have plans for me, and I know that they are plans to prosper me and not to harm me. I just….. pray that you help me through this growing patch, this part of Your plan. Because I know that it will be so worth the pain, to see where I will be when I get there, when You bring me there. Because I am nothing, yet You love me anyway….. Lord, I don’t want to focus on these foolish things anymore, I want to focus on You and Your mission and task that You have set me to do. I still feel like crying myself to sleep tonight, Lord. But I know that You’re here. Right here beside me, holding on to me as I cry. And I know that I am not alone, because of You. Thank You, Lord. For listening to my cries, for hearing me from the land of the dead. For saving me from the earth, whose gates lock shut forever. Thank You for being my Guide, my Strength and my Savior. Thank You for sending Your Son to come down to Earth to save me, and all the rest of the world, from the selfishness of a creature whom You still love. Thank You, so much Lord. You have blessed my life with so many things and people and so much love, when I haven’t deserved an ounce of it. Thank You. I pray this pray to You, oh Lord, in the name of Your Son and my Savior, Jesus Christ, Amen.

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Thanks to my mother and this full size black widow spider in my bedroom, I’m having a mental breakdown. If you know me, you know that I don’t do spiders. Especially ones that can kill me. So as I’m walking to the door of my room from the opposite side of my bed, a black thing scurries across the floor and into the darkness of the closet. I hope and pray that it’s a cockroach and not a spider. (You will also know how little I like cockroaches, if you read about my mental breakdown when having to kill and expose of 6 of them in Thailand then you may have an idea of how this is sucking for me at the moment.) I grabbed my phone, turned on the flashlight app since the only light in the room is too dim when lo and behold… A black widow. So I go to my parents room, ask if either are awake and proceed to tell my mother that there’s a fully grown black widow in my room. To which she tells me to squish it and upon my rejection tells me to get a jar and trap it. Since I cannot do this she tells me to get my grandmother to help me/do it for me. Not listening to the fact that IT’S UNREACHABLE WITH THESE METHODS!!
So here I am, crying on my bed, freaking out about this spider that can kill me that’s only a few feet away. Not being able to kill it for we have no Raid or other poison aerosol. I did look up if hairspray kills them and someone said they had luck with it so I tested this method on two small ones in the bathroom. It didn’t work. So I’m assuming it won’t work on this much larger one since it failed at ending the small ones lives.
Seriously. Wish. I. Was. Not. Here.
The lack of concern from my mum really hurts my feelings and not having help makes me feel so scared and helpless. And there is nowhere else in this house for me to sleep! I cannot sleep anywhere else because there are spiders and bugs everywhere!! (Granted that happens in the mountains, but I cannot tolerate it, it stresses me out tremendously and freaks me out even more.)
I literally do not feel safe in this house because of this black widow and potential amount of offspring all throughout the rest of the house. And I cannot let myself fall asleep in the same room but I need to sleep to get things done.
All of this is traumatizing and I can’t handle it! I’m seriously breaking down and I need a hug and no one in this house cares! I truly cannot wait until I get back down to Riverside, into the home where I’m surrounded by guys who will kill frightening and deadly spiders at any hour of the night for me.

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I’m back and alive. Cold too. Oh and dehydrated. But I accomplished making my blueberry scones and they were delicious. Next time I shall make them a tad more flat and with even more blueberries.

Later, sometime, I shall update again but for now, I am tired and it’s almost 11pm so it’s far past my bedtime.

Good night, peace out.

Pie <3 

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So I meant to update this at the beginning of last week about how it was my last two weeks in Ubon. Clearly that didn’t happen. lol

Traumatic experience occurred last night, I apparently cannot be myself no matter what country I am in. Really sucks. Ha, yeah, being myself and showing the love that Jesus showed me to everyone around me and being a good friend is apparently still rather bad to be. Intentions being misinterpreted is one of the worst situations to find yourself in. It really sucks. But praise God for getting me out of that situation unharmed and physically untouched. Seriously, massive praise on that one. I got home and called my best friend to console and comfort me, praise God for blessing my life with Jai. <3 

Last night I cried myself to sleep and prayed for God to show me a passage in the Bible to contemplate and reread throughout the day. This morning I went on instagram and someone I follow had a quote about not fearing because God is with us and it referred to Isaiah 41:10. So my passage for the day is Isaiah chapter 41. It was such a good reminder, I actually spoke about this passage a few weeks ago for mid-week prayer meeting and how in hard times we need to remember that God is there for us, holding our right hand. His victorious right hand holds ours, in the most secure and precious embrace ever to grace the face of time.

And yeah. Us American girls went to a traditional dress shop yesterday and got all decked out with traditional Isaan outfits, complete with full sets of jewelry that they wear. Well, everything except the crown thing you see in most traditional costumes. Super blessing though, the whole outfit and accessories only cost 500 baht per girl! It was so cool!! The guys who owned the shop were so sweet and helpful too! They dressed us (over our clothes) and showed us the different ways of doing the wrap.

So many things to do in these last two days here and such little amount of time to accomplish them all. I still need to find a case for my pihn, souvenirs for a select few who have asked me for them, take pictures at certain places and with certain people, get an external hard drive and collect pictures from everyone else. I really wanted to do a photoshoot at the temple across the street but that didn’t happen.

Anyway, my munchkins from preschool should be arriving any moment now considering it’s almost 10 after the hour when we’re supposed to start haha. Ohhhh how tomorrow is going to hurt. I’m going to be so dehydrated from crying and saying goodbye to all of my classes and students whom I have grown to love so very much.

Peace, love, blessings,

Pie<3 

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I feel as though the reality of it all has finally hit me today. For the past week I’ve almost cried, or felt like crying, at the end of nearly every class. I have been counting down the days until I leave this city that I have grown to call home. (Technically speaking, I shouldn’t call anywhere home because this world is not my home.) The mixed emotions of being excited to see my friends and family, going to Disneyland and more importantly my Pacific Ocean, and the heartbreak I know is coming when I say goodbye to my students…..

This upcoming Sabbath will be my last at this church. The small congregation that I feel I didn’t spend enough time getting to know or grow with them entirely how I should have. I decided a few weeks ago that I would not say goodbye to my church family after I said goodbye to my students because I have deeper bonds and attachments to my students, so it should make it easier. But then we had mid-week prayer meeting tonight and it was different. Normally someone speaks a short message or sermonette, but tonight we prayed together as an entire family unit, as opposed to our two to three personal prayer groups. It was just like the prayer week that I partook of with the CSS (Collegiate Sabbath School) Leadership a year and a half ago at six in the morning. And it really touched my soul. Listening to everyone pray in turns and taking my own, tears rolled down my cheeks…..

The reality of it all sunk in. I will no longer be in this area, at this time, ever again. Yes, I may return someday, God willing, but it won’t ever be exactly the same. The students I have now, most of them will forget me in a few months since they’re so young. The family unit of missionaries will dissipate and return to our respective homes and plans for life. I won’t ever live in this Room 3 apartment again.

My heart broke during tonight’s prayer. When the reality sank in, I felt sick. My stomach was nauseous and I hurt all over. I feel depressed about returning home and now I’m rather dreading it.

To be honest, I would adore to have my friends and family from the States come here instead of me returning there. Life is a tad simpler and so much more rewarding feeling being out here. You impact these people’s futures by opening a door for them with learning English. Yes, the work of being a teacher sucks. But being there for your students and spending time with them…. that is the best feeling. To be able to converse with them and get to know them more is such an incredible thing. I have grown to love each and every single one of them.

When I first did a count of how many students I had the total was sixty, now it is around thirty or so. School’s here start in May and that takes away time for students to come and learn English so it makes sense, they just get too busy with other school activities. But those students who haven’t returned or just never said goodbye, I wish I had the chance to tell them how much I have loved being their teacher. Wishing I could apologize for not being the best teacher that they could get, for being lazy and just winging it almost every class period, for never making lesson plans (because they’re pointless and never work out, nor do they help). To reassure them that there is a God who loves and cares for them, that He sent His only Son to live and die to make it possible for us to live with Him forever. Difficulties with Buddhist belief systems made that one tough to relay.

I am so glad and grateful that God placed me here in Ubon to be a teacher. It has been a humbling experience at times, aggravating at others, and pure joy at others still. God has taught me so much over these past seven and a half months. It brings me to tears just thinking about it.

Anyway, just wanted to let you all know that I’m heartbroken at the idea of coming home now. I don’t entirely want to do it. I know they need me here but in the long run, it will be better for me to finish my own education and then, if God wills it, return and help again. If anything, I just pray that my dearest little preschoolers can continue in an environment where Jesus exposes them to His love and affection for them, because it is so great and overflowing that they deserve to know about it the rest of their lives.

Peace, love, sadness and joys,

Pie <3 

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So it’s almost 11pm on my second day of break (today was Coronation Day, no idea what that actually entails as a national holiday how they celebrate or anything all I know is we had the day off) and I have come to the conclusion, once again, that I have issues.

The girls and I had dinner with Jim and Caryn Redd this evening and it was such an uplifting experience. They graced us with wisdom and advice and questions that push me to think more and focus on my spiritual life. They are a major blessing to have in my life. Canadian, Mormon, senior couple who are just so uplifting and encouraging. They ask us how we see Jesus working in our lives, how we’ve grown in our relationships with Him while we’ve been here and things of that nature. Such a positive influence and such a blessing to consider them mentors. They asked us all our majors and offered advice, where applicable, on schools to look in to. (Brigham University for me on translation/linguistics possibly.) And near the end of our conversation, Jim told us a memory, a seminar or meeting that he had attended before he came here to Thailand as a missionary back in 1975. He told us what a man had advised all the young men that were going out as missionaries from that meeting. What the man told them all was to set your focus on when you return, to find a God-centered woman and marry her. He proceeded to tell us that before he left on his missionary term the two were actually friends and they wrote letters once a week for the whole duration of his two year term of service. About four or five months, I believe, he said they were joined together in marriage and then they had their first child eleven months after that. They got married and immediately after they got married, he started school for dentistry and they were really poor but God took care of them. He told us that it all worked out and they were taken care of because they focused and centered their relationship on Christ. When we each center our attention and focus on Christ we grow closer to Him and simultaneously grow closer to one another. With Christ at the tip of our love triangle, the closer we get to him, the closer we get to each other. Make sense?

It was really good to hear that. He reaffirmed my belief and determination to find someone Christ-centered. In fact, they not only reaffirmed it but told us outright and boldly to find ourselves a God-centered, SDA man (one for each of us, and yes they did specify that he be SDA) and marry him. That way we can keep and utilize what God has shown and taught us while we have been here.

As you can tell, I deeply appreciate their words, every time I meet with them.

My issues lay ahead of me though. I’ve started reading the book I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris, and it has helped remind me of the reasons why I have put myself in the decision of not dating. Reading it has helped me refocus on the reasons why I decided not to date before I left the country and to continue the decision after my return. Now you may remember the whole, “I have a boyfriend and he’s the one I’m going to marry” spiel I had going on when I came. As good as that relationship was, in certain aspects, it was ill-timed. Due to the fact that it was ill-timed, it didn’t end the way I had dreamed it would. Although there still may be a slight potential of it ending in reuniting and marriage, it’s all up to God. I am rededicating my life to God and the ambitions I have are going to be those that will strive to honor and glorify Him and His purpose for my life. Yes, ending the type of relationship I had with him was difficult at the time and I wanted to resist it every moment, but giving in was in my best interests. God knew that before, during and after it occurred, He also knew that it was in his best interests. God let it happen to set us both on a path of refocusing and rededicating our lives to Him and His purposes.

When my mind is set on God and following His will, and understanding why it is that I personally should not date, it is so much easier to exist. But when I let myself entertain selfish desires of envying romance movie relationships or companionship, I have issues. I really don’t understand, but seriously do, why God puts up with my back and forth tendencies. I really am like the unfaithful wife, the wayward woman who seeks love and attention from other men when my husband, my God, sustains me and provides all that I do and ever could need.

I was watching Prince Caspian this morning and near the end there is a scene when Lucy is reunited with Aslan deep in the woods. He asks her why she didn’t come to him when she saw him, she replies with the others didn’t believe her and she didn’t want to go alone. He then replies with something along the lines of “why would you let that stop you?” 

It made me cry.

The Chronicles of Narnia really hit me hard and have such a deep and special place in my heart, because they speak the Father’s love for us, the Son’s sacrifice for us, and the Holy Spirit’s guidance for us. It really hits home. When judgement day comes and I see Jesus, my Savior, face to face, I don’t want to have to apologize for not following Him when others didn’t see Him but I did. I want that to not even be a question asked. I want to live my life so that question is never even thought of.

My mental issues arise when looking around and talking to people, I saw that a friend of mine updated his profile pic on facebook. Goodness gracious, I find that man handsome. And it’s really, truly awful of me to think that way. Generally, when my mind thinks “he’s handsome” it tends to translate to “hey, you should hang out with him more and maybe start a relationship with him” when I know that it isn’t what I want or need, or am even really ready for. Yes, the guy is handsome, but I also know that his values are completely different from my own. He drinks alcohol, I don’t. He’s kind of a jerkface at times, I…. well I am too but I’m praying on that and seeking God’s intervention for help. He’s really into outdoors stuff, he hikes and backpacks a lot, he’s into photography, he has a ridiculously awesome stubbly beard going on which I find ridiculously attractive and handsome. See? Issues. Two problems, I resolved to not date and he isn’t Christ-centered. Man alive, do I have issues haha.

Anyway, it has gotten late and I have to teach preschool in the morning. Hopefully I’ll get up early to go to the market and buy some mangoes and a ton of apples. Need to make applesauce for snack time and baking brownies. Also need to take advantage of cheap, fresh yellow mangoes while I have them readily available to eat with my oatmeal for breakfast. Absolutely delicious breakfast too, you should give it a go some time.

Peace and love, may God bless you and keep you,

<3 Pie

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I’m sleepy, but I didn’t feel like going to sleep, and praise God that I didn’t! I’ve been having the most wonderful time chatting with a missionary in Japan that I met about a month ago when he came with some youth from his church over there to build a church over here! It’s been so incredible just talking with someone different and sharing experiences about cultural differences. God truly blesses me all the time. And we have so much in common, haha! It’s like instant chai tea but friends instead of delicious tea. So many things just click and for having met and spoken twice for less than ten minutes total, it’s really cool. I feel like this is a really good thing on both ends though, we both get someone outside our specific mission field to talk to about things going on in our fields and that’s a good thing, in my opinion at least. A new friend to keep in touch with, that feels similarly about situations and cultural/language barriers and the like, as I do. A few similar goals too, it’s really a blessing and I’m looking forward to maintaining this friendship.

I haven’t forgotten that I need to tell you all the miracle story from last week, it’s just been busy. I got my Thai driver’s license today! Well… yesterday considering it’s nearly 2:30 in the morning. Two and half hours at the DLT, department of land transport, with P’ Nong and help from an awesome lady and 205 baht later it was worth the wait and money. It seriously looks so pretty and cool! Should you want to see it, you’ll have to wait to see it in person haha.

Once again, I’m almost out of money for the month. So hopefully, God willing, they can get my last months stipend very very soon instead of a day before I leave so I can have money to purchase food to consume and some other things I need to get before leaving. Well, food is much more important because I need to eat on a daily basis. Not that I don’t feel I couldn’t lose the weight, I just know that anorexia isn’t the healthiest way of going about that. But ah, so many things are left to buy before I leave and there are so few opportunities left to get them all! It’s crazy.

On the way to the DLT with P’Nong we were talking about plans for the school. The Mission is planning on building an apartment building on campus for the future missionaries and another building entirely for the language school. The current building for the language school is sinking on one side of the foundation and it’s very small, only five rooms, four of which are for the school, maybe 10x18ft or so each? I don’t know, they’re all much smaller than my giant classroom, which is humungous.

Ah, I’m going to miss it here so much. Everything’s fresh and readily available for very decent prices. When I go back to the States it’s all going to be over priced and expensive. Complicated and confusing. Wish I were finished with school so I could just go somewhere else or even remain here. But I need to finish a bachelors first, that way I can go anywhere to volunteer. But even that plan I don’t know the outcome of, God may have a different plan for me, a different direction. Only He knows what plans He has for my life. All I know is, I want to follow Him and learn Thai now and Japanese lol.

Peace out,

Pie<3

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Mk, three weeks. Goodness gracious that’s a while haha.

Well to catch up, my week before Songkran felt like it was dragging along and couldn’t pass by any faster. We had the Monday off so our week was shorter, but still not quite quick enough. I don’t entirely remember what I did that day…. huh, oh well!

Songkran is the Thai New Years/Water Festival. Traditionally they would spend the time in observance of the elderly, sprinkling water on their hands (and if I remember correctly, on their heads too) for good luck in the year to come. Sprinkling scented water on them, that’s been infused with flowers so they smell lovely. However, the more modern version is no where near as sweet or sentimental. The modern version is mostly children and crazy people who like to drink getting water guns (super soaker status) and shooting passers by, as well as chucking the contents of water buckets anywhere from half a gallon to five gallons on people walking by. Oh they shoot cars and motorbikes too. Which causes majority of the deaths and injuries. As fun as it can be, personally I don’t think it should be carried out in the modern way because there are too many people “playing” irresponsibly. Back in Ubon, my church took the traditional custom seriously and the sm’s from Southern got to partake in sprinkling water on the elders and elderly in our church. (This is what I gather at least from the pictures.)

I, however, spent Songkran in the heart of Russian tourist Thailand, Pattaya.  This is the city they refer to as the Thai Gomorrah. Lovely picture, right? It’s on a beach and is about two hours south of Bangkok. If they did daily upkeep on the beaches then it would look more appealing to enter the water, but they only do that on one beach. Not to misrepresent it, it’s pretty, I just have ridiculously high standards of cleanliness when it comes to beaches…. and about everything else for that matter. So many white people there, it honestly boggled my mind to hear 95% of the white people speaking Russian or German. (Which tripped me up a few days later when I went to Bangkok and 95% of the white people speak English.) Maybe it’s just the environment that I was in, but Russian people don’t seem particularly friendly to me since my visit to Pattaya. That view point could change given the right circumstances and people, keeping in mind that Pattaya is titled Gomorrah. It was very fun though.

Gave my first larger public message to the brethren at Pattaya SDA Church to open up Sabbath. God truly does use people, and I am very blessed to have been used as a vessel. Only lame thing is that I forgot to record it. Church there is more of an all day event than it is here, which is really saying something because here we really stay at the church practically the whole day from 9am-6pm minus a couple hours to nap between potluck and AY. But it was really nice, their Bible games and activities were very thought provoking and fun. Food and hospitality were awesome as well.

Songrak Sunday we got to go to Koh Larn, pronounced “lawn.”  Absolutely beautiful and the water has such a high salinity level that I was actually buoyant for the first time in my life! My legs floated without effort or struggle!!!! A few bummers occurred though and I shall list them in chronological order. 1) The water is much warmer than my beloved Pacific Ocean. 2) I was startled, ok I’ll put it properly I was seriously freaked out, by seeing something and not knowing what it was while swimming out to the edge of the swimming area. Thought I may have seen a rayshark but after looking it up it could have been a dolphin, they have strange looking ones in the Andaman Sea. What ever it was, it was coming up from below just in front of me and it was far too close for comfort without goggles to clearly identify it. 3) Sunburn. It was quite the adventure though and I thoroughly enjoyed hanging out with my parents good friend Mike and his family. Absolutely lovely people and they really made me feel like I was a part of the family, I almost started calling them Uncle Mike and Aunt Ruth. I really hope that I have the funds to go see them again before I leave next month.

More of the week from Songkran: got to explore their aquarium (Underwater World), their famous garden (Nongnooch) and just spend time with the family. Went to Bangkok, made a new friend, bonded over exploring the city in a quest for Indian food, discovered an amazingly delicious vendor in a super sketchy place where we were getting glared at by quite a few people. Had the most fun doing it though. God truly does bless those whom love Him and chase after Him, even those who botch it up constantly like me. Was taken to Ayutthaya by the head of education in our Adventist realm here in Thailand, and his lovely wife. They made me feel like their adopted kid too. Seriously, being here opens my eyes to just how much and often God shows His love to us through others.

This past week has been long, but it’s over and in an hour and some change it will be Monday. The reality of my return home is sinking in and I know how much time I have left with all of my students so I’m just trying to make the most of it and be the best that I can be for them. Some classes that hasn’t worked out so much as I want it to, but there are just too many factors that play into it. Such as working copy machines, having supplies and children who actually want to be there. Those things help a lot ha. But praise God! We were able to go shopping for new/more supplies on Friday! After us American chickies had an experience choosing Thai style dresses that we liked, finding fabrics to have them made and measured so our school manager’s wife can make them for us before we leave. Such a blessing and so cool! That was a very fun three hours in my life that don’t turn out that way very often. Spent a little over half my months food allowance on getting the dresses though, but hey I’ve gained fifteen pounds since my arrival in this beautiful country so I can stand to go with a little less food this month. Plus, I’ve said this from the beginning, I’d much rather have pretty dresses than a ton of food. Yep, messed up ideals, I will gladly admit that, but that’s just me. And if you knew how much and often I eat, you would probably agree with me in how fine it is for me. (In my own, singular, personal case, I speak for no one else’s case.)

Turns out lack of communication, miscommunication and anything to do with poor communication seems to be running rampant. It has honestly reached the point of irritating me to a rather extreme level. Extreme levels as in I feel like shooting people with a paintball gun, and I don’t like feeling that upset about things. I don’t like violence, I don’t like thinking about it or thinking about acting it out. I especially don’t like actually contemplating smacking people, it is most definitely not fun.But what can you do except stop, pray and breathe. Letting things go can be difficult when they continue to be brought up again and again, but by the grace of God, it can be done.

Today I found out that we aren’t teaching next Sunday, so I have one less day with my Sunday students, and that bummed me out. Yes, I get to have another break which is stellar. But I will be spending two hours less with each Sunday student. Possibly minus one, we might hang out if she has time and calls me, but it’s only possibly until the day it happens or doesn’t. lol

Rachel’s grandparents are in the country! It was so nice getting to chat with them and spend time with them at the market last night! Missionaries in Chad, Africa who are 70 and still performing surgeries and going around doing so many things! Being around them really inspired me and I feel that God showed me an opportunity that He has waiting for me should I choose to follow the missionary path again later on in my life. Well, I should revise that, the world-minded-missionary path, because staying at home is being a missionary as well, most just don’t take the responsibility seriously.

Well, my chai tea is gone. Speaking of which I have a miracle/blessing story to share, but I’ll save that for another post. Praise God and keep seeking!

God bless, sweet dreams if you’re about to sleep, good day if you’re not, and peace out,

Pie <3

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This week has been very interesting, to say the least.

But to expand on that would probably be much nicer. Sunday was awesome, the Sunday prior I had started my period, been dehydrated and got heat exhaustion all at the same time so I couldn’t teach for an hour while I just rested in our air-conditioned clinic. This Sunday however, I didn’t teach for three hours because neither of my morning students were coming. So I was able to catch up a little bit on reading 1421 the Year China Discovered the World (or the title is something along those lines, it’s dark and too hot for me to get up and find the book). Both of my afternoon classes went splendidly and afterward I got to go watch my friend Claude play soccer! Pro-footballer here Thailand, he’s from Cameroon and speaks French and Thai quite fluently, his English isn’t too shabby either.

The experience of watching a live match in Thailand is crazy different than watching any sporting event live back in the States. The fans who were there had their own drums and were all in sync without any assistance or prompting from announcers. Announcers weren’t there either. During half-time they had cheerleaders come out and do their annoying/disturbing “cheers” to Nikki Minaj’s “Super Bass” and another song that I don’t recall. Within the last ten seconds of the game though, Ubon’s team (the team Claude plays for) scored a goal, the only goal and thus they won. We were all able to go out for ice cream at Swensen’s after for a celebration. Mango and sticky rice themed ice creams are rather delicious here. Just saying.

So my Sunday was purely blessed all day long. My next few days were long and a tad trying at times. We had drama occur due to miscommunications, very many miscommunications (or just entire lack thereof) between staff and a parent. We were under the impression that they hadn’t paid when they really had and the only person to vouch for that resigned abruptly at the end of last week. The parent came to resolve the matter and I don’t know how long they were all in the office before I arrived for staff worship, but our worship was pushed back twenty minutes while they were discussing things. Blah is quite the accurate description of how the situation felt. I really wanted to apologize after getting an understanding of what really happened but the parent left in a tizzy it just hasn’t worked out. Praise God though, He worked it out so I could see the student today! His parents are not bringing him back to learn with anyone at our school anymore, unfortunately. But I had prayed that if God wanted me to be able to apologize to the student in person He would work it out so I could do that. Eventually I admire to do the same with the parent, but I don’t entirely know how plausible that one is. God is so good, He answers prayers and He did such a merciful job in answering that one. I didn’t want the student to feel bad about himself due to how I had handled the situation, so I was able to apologize and let him know how much I appreciated having him as my student. (Which put a smile on his face and the best feeling in my heart.)

Last night I was also blessed with being able to Skype with my big brother! It’s very rare and infrequent whenever Robby and I are able to chat so that was completely awesome. God really shines through in every situation, good and bad. I was on a mission to find something for him today but it was nowhere to be found. So it will have to wait until I can get to Bangkok to search for it in a week and a half!

Please pray for God’s will to work out in everyone’s travel plans for Songkran! Next week is our last week of teaching before Songkran, the Thai New Years/Water Festival, and we have the entire week off to enjoy the culture and country. My plans are definitely not set it stone yet, not even entirely on paper either.

God is great, He’s never late, His timing is always Perfect.

I rather like that, thank you Lord for putting it in my mind. Feeling like the Holy Spirit just made that up through/for me.

Anyway, it’s ridiculously hot and I’m going to wake up ill due to the fan being on all night. (It’s that hot. Normally I never allow the fan to be switched on while I’m sleeping because it dries out my system and gives me a cold. But it’s too hot.) Thank you for all your continuous prayers! I only have two months left to go until I return. Twenty-seven days left of teaching, and counting.

Praise God, may His blessing be upon you and may you seek Him constantly,

Pie <3

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I’ve had my share of boys, guys and men interested in being suitors over the short duration of my lifespan thus far, but none match up to the bar that’s been set. You see, I have someone who wants me to be His bride.

He never leaves my side.

He’s the most reliable being to ever exist.

He loves me beyond any measurement I could possibly contrive.

He showers me with adoration and affection.

He is the epitome of love, because He is love.

He’s there when I fall, when I cry, when I feel like shouting and screaming due to frustration.

He’s also there when I’m happy and filled to the brim with joy, when I squeal with excitement and jump up and down like a crazy person.

He’s there when I look like a bum or when I look like a princess.

He’s forgiving.

He’s generous.

He’s kind.

He is the best, at everything He goes in to and does.

He is strong, no one could ever match His strength.

He’s smart and so very wise.

He’s patient and understanding.

He always takes me back when I do Him wrong, right in front of His face.

You see, my God sets a pretty high standard. He raised the bar of qualifying factors. All of those sentences describe His attributes. I didn’t even list half of them! He is so incredible that words cannot describe Him adequately, they lack the eloquence and full meaning of Who He is.

Lately I’ve had a lot of things on my mind. I’ve been praying for answers and guidance in my life, for God to do His will and show me what He would have me do. Answers, I’ve had plenty. Guidance, sure there has been quite a lot. Deciphering them? Not really doing so hot on that subject right now. 

To be quite honest, I’ve been thinking about marriage a lot lately. Working with toddlers four days a week and other varying ages five days a week has set certain thoughts off the peak of the snow-covered hill. I am not saying I want to have a family any time soon, believe me I really do not want that right now. But it has set ideas in my mind of how I would like to raise my future children (should God will that I have some before He returns), what foundation I would like to lay for them mentally, spiritually and physically. What kind of role spirituality will have in my future home. What kind of relationship my family will have with Jesus Christ, how I want Him to be at the center of it all, how I want to be married to a man whom I can see reflecting Jesus on a daily basis. How my ideal version of myself will be centered, based, grounded in Christ and service for Him.

I don’t want to leave here or live my life, if not in some way living it for God and His service. There are many areas here that need improving, myself included. Many areas that I could assist in, if I felt qualified or able, but it’s not about my qualifications or abilities (although in some cases it is), it’s about my willingness to be of assistance wholeheartedly. Wholeheartedly for my Savior, my God. The devoted Husband who is desperately wanting to take us Home, can use me and you wherever on His green Earth that we are located. We mustbe willing to grab His outstretched hand and intertwine our fingers with His.

I may have offers waiting for me to go marry certain men, but I can’t let those offers distract me from the One who is always by my side. He is the one I need to say yes to before I can do anything else, even accept another person in my life to help along with spirituality and our relationship with Him.

Funny how I have these two conflicting ideas in my head of how my ideal husband should be chosen. 1) I have to have known him majority of my life. We needed to be connected in some way since childhood. 2) We have meet in some random way and start out by going to church together.

Crazy, I know. Sorry for the random thought pattern, although I would think you would be used to it by now. =}

I’m excited to come home, to be with my loved ones and start getting into the rest of God’s plans for my life, whatever they may be. All I know is my life plan…. doesn’t reach further than this upcoming American summer, and even that is not set in stone. So, Happily Never After? Maybe, but then again, probably not. God will provide the means and the way. For what ever He throws my way, He will provide. Because He is love.

I need sleep, Happy Sabbath.

Pie, out! <3

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I feel like going home. Yesterday was interesting, it started out so well and then ended blah happened and then I felt like crying because of blah and then I was cheered up by the other American chicks and then I got to read for 2hrs. Yeah. A few blah moments occurred yesterday. Strange developments were decided for certain peoples lives yesterday, none of which were my life, but the way we were informed was….. unexpected. I felt like it was rather rude for one decision in particular, rude and assuming too much. However, it is not my place to judge or to make remarks. It’s not even my life they it happened to so I have no say it it whatsoever. It just makes me realize and remember that we live in a world full of sin and imperfection. There are always ways of improving things, especially in the communication area.

Oh how I just find myself wanting more and more to go home. But praise God, I only have 2 months left. Ah, I don’t recall if I mentioned this prior to now but it’s once more official that I actually will be returning State side at the end of May. I’ll be back in Riverside in early June to finish up school at RCC and after that I’ll see where God takes me. All I know is that He will provide because I have no control over anything, no income, no job, pretty sure I do have a place to live though and He’s working out transportation through a friend. So I’m praising God for His many blessings and helping hands.

It’s kind of crazy thinking about going home. I know there are multiple differences culturally that I’ve gotten used to over here that we don’t observe or have in America. Funny how certain aspects should be traded off or exchanged but never really are. I’m not sure if I can make a difference anywhere, let alone where I will be upon returning, but I am praying about it and I have faith that God will use my life as a light for His Love to shine through, should I chose to be willing to listen and follow.

Anyway, I have to go have worship and then start writing my… message/testimony/sermonette for Songkran in Pattaya. Happy birthday Great Grandma, sorry I have the dates mixed up earlier this week haha. It’s been hectic and stressful.

Peace, love, be faithful and hopeful for the Lord will come soon,

Pie <3